Milk: You Gotta Give Em Hope

It's been surprisingly difficult for me to write about this film, I feel like this amazing movie deserves an equally amazing piece of writing, something I take to heart. Ironically its always harder for me to write about something I'm passionate about, trying to make it as real and honest as it feels to me. Not to mention my unhealthy obsession with Milk's director, Gus Van Sant, and trying to pay homage to him as an astounding film maker. However, this incredible story, is the true story of one mans pursuit of equality, his campaign for rights, and his ability to bring together a nation in the midst of war, hate, and free love.
Harvey Milk was the first openly gay man to be elected to public office, during a time when psychologists still considered homosexuality a mental disorder.
Sean Penn captures the essence that is Harvey Milk, real life friends of Harvey couldn't deny the unbelievable similarities. Van Sant always has a way of bringing life to his characters. We see a different side of James Franco in this movie as Milk's boyfriend Scott Smith, Josh Brolin gives a performance of a lifetime as Dan White, not to mention the moving characters by Emile Hirsch, Diego Luna, and Alison Pill just to name a few. Van Sant's choice of actors in this movie is undeniably perfect, this film without question deserves every critical acclaim, every award nomination it receives, for me, winning no less than Best Director, Best Actor, Best everything. Penn, takes over the movie, with his role as Harvey Milk, the flamboyant but kind-hearted man, you feel the power when he tells Dan White "Its more than an issue, this is our lives were fighting for." This movie carries with it, some of the most compelling speeches and words, in cinema history, not to mention the infamous "Hope Speech" at the 1978 San Francisco Gay Freedom Day Festival:

"All men are created equal... and no matter how hard you try... you can never erase those words! that is what America is!"

While these words still ring in my ears, and the chills still roll over my body. I realize the magnitude of Harvey Milk's words, how mesmerizing and honest they were, those words gave people the right to have their hope, to keep it with them and to fight to the death to for it. Unfortunately for us, on November 27, 1978, Harvey Milk, did just that, he was shot and killed along with Mayor George Moscone, Milk was 48 years old.
However heartbreaking the ending to this story is, people like Anita Bryant and John Briggs did not win that day, however determined Dan White was, to kill every hope and close every door, he silenced no one but himself. Even in death Harvey Milk brought people together, through his legacy he will never be forgotten, he has been brought back through Van Sant's incredible movie, he is forever kept in the hearts of those involved, or someone, like me, who is lucky enough to hear about his inspiring life... because no matter how hard they tried, we will never forget his words...

Harvey Milk not only gave hope to the people on Castro Street, not only the people of San Fransisco, his words reached beyond that, and further then he, himself, could have ever imagined, through his hardships he gained recognition, through discrimination he persevered, and through fear he gained power. Harvey Milk was nothing less than a hero.

"If a bullet should enter my brain, let that bullet destroy every closet door."

Seven Pounds

Walking into the theater I was still confused on what I was about to see, based off the trailers for Seven Pounds the only thing I really got from it was that Will Smith was in it, nothing else.
But as this movie unfolded and the idea behind it started to become more clear I realized the heart behind this film and how real it felt to me. Without giving anything away, and while keeping you just as confused as I was, go see this film, its inspiring.

Meet, Your New Favorite Dog

Marley:)

I'm Spewing Deranged Emotion

So, there we have it, in a matter of 24 hours all hell has officially broken loose.

Recently I've been trying to find the easiest way for me to write about this, tip-toeing around the idea that weighs so heavy on my heart, ignoring it never helped me at all, even if it gave me the slightest comfort, its never fully let me forget. But I've come to realize that to explain this, is like describing the color blue to a blind person. So it will just go a little something like this: Recent chaos breaking loose in an already unbalanced, dysfunctional family only makes my days full of more confusion and more anxiety and yet it brings me to realize how unreliable life is, how precious family is, can you even imagine waking up one morning and losing someone who has been there from the beginning, like losing a part of yourself, do you really ever come back from something like that? Its such a hollow feeling, so empty and sad, you begin to mourn for the days when you were a little less conscious, where these problems were only far away ideals that could never pierce the innocent veil over your eyes. Whether this is relatable or not, whether this makes sense or not, whether it matters or not, it terrifies the hell out of me, and whether I want it to be or not, its real... the realest thing Ive ever felt.

And I'm Thankful For..

Nothing? But that's not fair is it? I'm thankful for everything and anything, the good and the bad, I have absolutely no reason to not be thankful, but today, on the day that we are supposed to look back through life and realize what we truly are thankful for, my mind goes blank, not because I'm ungrateful, I just can't seem to get past my bad vibe tonight, I think its mostly because I feel the oncoming anguish that is sickness and all its mercilessness, or the fact my mind feels as if its staged a mutiny to the rest of my body, being completely unresponsive and impatient, only to be compared to Richard Ashcroft leaving The Verve, or the south succeeding from the union. See, it's bad, I'm speaking only in analogies, help me. But the truth is, I am thankful, I'm thankful for life, even when I'm not so thankful for it, I'm thankful for my insane family, because I could never express it enough how much they mean to me, and hey, I'm even thankful for my mind, and all its offbeat ways of thinking, even when it decides to go a-wall on me... like Jack Nicholson in The Shinning.

(Alright, I'm done)


Happy Thanksgiving

Look, I'm Getting All Nostalgic

Oh, what happened to the days when bands like Led Zeppelin were on top, selling out concerts and making incredible music, when Hendrix was still alive and wailing, before they shot Lennon and his ideas of peace, love, and music. When people like Kurt Cobain and Elliott Smith were out defining a generation. The kind of musicians that you look back on realizing just how much they mean to you, how their songs always seemed to find a perfect match to your emotion, and your everlasting gratitude to them for always being there for you,

all you have to do is hit play.

Which brings me to today's standard of a great artist, when you don't actually need any type of musical talent to sell out concerts, set up a sturdy tween fan base, and sell your soul to Walmart.

Hey, Congratulations

Coldplay -A Rush Of Blood To My Head

I should start out by saying I've been waiting for this concert for months, but the many sleepless nights I endured we're well worth it.

I arrived at the Delta Center (yes I refuse to call it anything else) in SLC, already shaking from my excitement, or the fact I almost hit 3 cars speeding to the venue, but none the less, shaking. I arrive in the box suite, which I was lucky enough to get for this milestone in my life. Those suites give you a complete ego trip, I yelled I am a golden god, several times to innocent bystanders below me and I almost called room service, not because I needed anything, mostly just because.... needless to say the people I was with think I've lost it.
The first band up, was a band called SleeperCar from Texas, I'll admit, I subconsciously like the first acts to hurry up and go, unless I know them, but this band was really excellent, the singer definitely had a voice and their rendition of Wild Horses by The Rolling Stones had me cheering for them.

Next up was a guy by the name of Jon Hopkins, he definitely was something else, I kid you not, his set was the closest thing I will ever come to an acid trip, there were several questioning looks from the crowd, like who slipped us something? He played a piano hooked up to several synths (I'm not instrument savvy when it comes to things that need more than 3 cables) however, something you might throw into the giant, not-easily-categorized, genre that is Electronica, but he played one song for 30 minutes straight, with a video playing in the background of repetitive bright, flashing colors, morphing shapes, and crazy dancing animals, it was extremely memorizing and altogether really good, quite original, the guy has talent. I just think it confused most the middle aged, soccer moms, in the crowd.

Finally! We come to the most anticipated event of the evening and the reason for my sudden urge to write, Coldplay ladies and gentlemen... Coldplay has always been a favorite, but to see them live, is awe-inspiring, if there ever was such a universal band with their honest words and unbelievable songs, it was Coldplay. The stage was huge, special made so that Chris Martin could run around as he pleased, decorated with pictures from their album Viva La Vida, and monitors to display images, live, from the concert. They started out with Violet Hill, as the crowd erupted into clapping and yelling, and from that point they hook you, I don't think I took my eyes off that stage for one second, they went from song to song, fluctuating from their Album Parachutes all the way through Viva La Vida, playing some of my favorites like Fix You and The Scientist, even at one point running into the nosebleeds and playing a song right in the crowd. Chris Martin definitely has the most incredible stage presence, his voice truly captivates you and sends you to that dream world that reminds you of the wonderful things in this world, he uses the entire stage like his personal playground, jumping and flailing his arms around, and he plays that piano like that's all he was made for. Truthfully I don't think this concert should have ever ended, I was fully planning on staying there forever, but when they reached their final song and exited, the predicated "ONE MORE SONG!" understanding was met, when they returned one last time to play, what else? Yellow.
If there is ever something to do before you take that final breath on this Earth, it is go see Coldplay live.

Chris Martin, you can sing me to sleep anytime.

"To Sleep: Perchance To Dream"

What is it about death that grabs hold of you and doesn't let you go? It wakes you up every single day and makes you mourn, it forces you to remember, it makes sure you know your breathing and with that, you are still here, you are still alive, now appreciate it. This is the feeling that keeps you up at night, the emotion that you can't quite grasp because its far to complex to describe and the only real way to deal with it, is to become numb, to completely void yourself of the feeling and try to forget why it is, you ever felt it.

But isn't that the ironic part of death? You feel most alive, when you are the closest to losing it, or even when you see death and you wish that you had a little more time to just be something, mean something. Can you even imagine knowing you are going to die and trying your hardest to say the things you never said, do the things you were always afraid to do? Finally appreciate the ones you love. Maybe it's just the Donnie Darko imagination in me, but how can others be so complete and satisfied when "Every living creature on earth dies alone." Maybe a little dramatic but it's point gets across, that complete sense of being solo in this world, maybe what I'm trying to say is, it scares the hell out of me, feeling like nothing will ever get better because what do we have to look forward to now? more death? more sadness? there is something just so unfair about death, something so tragic and so merciless, because we are the ones left with the pain, not only did someone lose the most precious gift in the world, life, we have to go on living with our disbelief, the even idea that you will never see that person in their physical form again, that they are gone, literally gone from this world, every day, every minute, forever.... Forever.... now that's an unforgiving word. Why does death have to play the universal alarm clock that rings and says "Feel this pain, feel this emptiness, feel this life."

I think Shakespeare got it, he always sought the truth of death, his plays were usually about the desperation of your last moments, I think that maybe he too, laid awake at night questioning life, maybe becoming utterly confused by its meaning, and haunted by its message, one of my favorite quotes, more or less ideas, of his, is from Hamlet when Hamlet explains:

"To die: to sleep; No more; and by a sleep to say we end the heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks that flesh is heir to, 'tis a consummation devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep; To sleep: perchance to dream."

My heart goes out to his family, and loved ones.

Prop H8te

I was at the SLC protest on Friday, which was pretty badass there is just something so awe-inspiring about people of all types,
orientations, races, genders, etc etc. getting together and just fighting for the greater good, basically saying, equality is the way to go, stop the hate, spread the love. It was freezing outside but being there, I felt so warm, its nice to be reminded that we can gather peacefully with nothing but love in the air, showing there are some people in this world who want to abolish hate like I do, there is already so much injustice in this world, we need to unite in this, become an equal human race, become onelove.

In the words of Harvey Milk "All men are created equal, no matter how hard you try, you can never erase those words, that is what America is!"

Obama Owns My Heart

Cami definitely has Obama pride

I can't even define my excitement that Obama has won presidency, he is the change we need to carry this country, he is the change we need so that people of all types, colors, and genders can be heard. I know he will bring about great strength to our country, he will rise from the shadows of this darkness, pull the curtains back and show the light, he will get us out, he will be the best he can be, I have no doubts. I don't know, its something in the mans eyes, politics aside, he has never struck me as the crooked politician, I feel like I can, actually trust him, now there is a concept, I can actually trust a politician, crazy.

Sadly, its been maybe 2 hours since they announced Obama as president and I'm already hearing disgusting, racist remarks from simple minded people who have nothing better to do but hate and keep this country down, keep this country at a stop, so we have no hope of ever moving forward. In 1963 Martin Luther King gave one of the most moving speeches that ever touched a generation, he had a dream that one day we as a human race would look above color, background, and breed and just see human kind, see the greatness that is in all of us, I hope one day we can make him proud, I think Obama coming into presidency is a giant step.

I am a strong advocate for choices and for diversity, which I, without any doubt, know Obama agrees with, I would never wish it upon anyone to live in a world where they had to be afraid to be themselves, I feel that if any fellow American is being judged because of the color of their skin, what they believe, or where they come from, that is not freedom, Americans are not really free, we are not free.

Freedom is for everyone, not just a select group.

I am deeply honored to congratulate Barack Obama, the next President of the United States, the change we need.

to the doubters, watch out, he will show you, just you watch

Hope.

I never realized how much I love this movie, It's allusions to light and dark, freedom and confinement, life vs. death, the even idea that hope can carry you through 19 years of being in a cage, It's one of those movies you leave, feeling like a better human being, without really knowing why, its just a feeling you can't shake and frankly, you don't want too.

Red: [narrating] I have no idea to this day what those two Italian ladies were singing about. Truth is, I don't want to know. Some things are best left unsaid. I'd like to think they were singing about something so beautiful, it can't be expressed in words, and makes your heart ache because of it. I tell you, those voices soared higher and farther than anybody in a gray place dares to dream. It was like some beautiful bird flapped into our drab little cage and made those walls dissolve away, and for the briefest of moments, every last man in Shawshank felt free.

Andy Dufresne: That's the beauty of music. They can't get that from you... Haven't you ever felt that way about music?

Red: I played a mean harmonica as a younger man. Lost interest in it though. Didn't make much sense in here.

Andy Dufresne: Here's where it makes the most sense. You need it so you don't forget.

Red: Forget?

Andy Dufresne: Forget that... there are places in this world that aren't made out of stone. That there's something inside... that they can't get to, that they can't touch. That's yours.

Red: What're you talking about?

Andy Dufresne: Hope.

"A Fond Farewell"

Oh, Elliott, my beloved Elliott Smith, if only you could realize your impact, its been 5 long years, today, without your honest beauty and soft voice, 5 years of hoping that you've finally found the happiness that so eluded you in life, I could never explain in words how you've affected me, and I wouldn't even dare try, because the words could never give the feeling justice, I owe you so much more than I can even express. You are truly one of the only people that understood the artist value of your words and you never forgot that, your music captivated an entire generation, held it, and it wouldn't let it go, unfortunately for us we will no longer get the chance to be in your presence, and share your wisdom. You knew the real world and you wrote fairly and bluntly, you sugarcoated nothing, and let your listeners decide for themselves the meaning of your words, you gave everyone a chance to be involved in your life, and your heart was big, you actually cared, even when it became to hard to care about yourself, you have a wonderful soul, and it puts shame to others. While I write this, I listen to your music, your words, your beautiful melodies with the gentle picking of your fingers on the strings, and it brings a tear to my eye, not because I'm sad, but because I want to thank you, sincerely, from the bottom of my heart and with every emotion I'm able to muster for being you, and for being honest, and for being there.

Hey, Elliott "I'm never gonna know you now, but I'm gonna love you anyhow"

xo

Oh, The Happenings Late At Night

So today has been off, to put it vaguely, I woke up in a mood, indescribable by nature and I couldn't seem to shake the feeling, I've literally been on the computer all day, working and writing, maybe an hour or so ago, I decided to leave, take a drive because that always helps me, I put on a good Led Zeppelin album and drive for hours, thinking, talking to myself (and It's not just talking to myself in my head, oh no, I get the big show going for the drivers around me.) Of course to add on to the already strange, tiring day, someone hits my beloved jeep, Kurt.
Out of nowhere, BOOM, someone, who I figured at the time doesn't seem to get the idea of looking before merging (am I the only one that checks my blind spot!?) and at this point I figure the entire side of my vehicle is gone, practically annihilated. We pull over, get out, exchange awkward, "this is really weird, I'm sorry, blah blah blah" talk and I look at the side of my car, nothing! not even a scratch it was the strangest thing, I was hit pretty hard, and for melodramatics here, I thought I could be dead for all I know, I saw my life flash before my very eyes! But no, there was nothing, lucky I guess, strange? most definitely.
It was really hard to be mad too, when it happens you just want to get out and wreak hell upon the person who dare try to disturb your peace but I couldn't, she was a really nice, kindly grandmother type person who went on to explain that her father-in-law was dying and she was only in town for a little while to see him before he dies (you cant make this stuff up) and she was really really really really sorry, the one chance I get to be mad at someone and I couldn't. My Karma is beyond any doubt a bitch.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SEAGAL

This is my look-a-like Steve Seagal, uncle drake, and its his birthday today
I LOVE YOU DRAKE!


What you don't see, is his hair in a ponytail, no joke.

Are You There World?

It's me, Cami
and I will blog, oh yes,
I will blog my little heart out,
I can see now, that there will be many sleepless nights, followed by angry typing, ideas racing, thesaurus using, and tired fingers, and I wouldn't have it any other way. As the great writer and poet Antoine de Saint-Exupery said, and as my blog title explains "I know but one freedom, and that is the freedom of the mind. " and I fully intend on using that freedom which was so generously bestowed upon me.