I'm Spewing Deranged Emotion

So, there we have it, in a matter of 24 hours all hell has officially broken loose.

Recently I've been trying to find the easiest way for me to write about this, tip-toeing around the idea that weighs so heavy on my heart, ignoring it never helped me at all, even if it gave me the slightest comfort, its never fully let me forget. But I've come to realize that to explain this, is like describing the color blue to a blind person. So it will just go a little something like this: Recent chaos breaking loose in an already unbalanced, dysfunctional family only makes my days full of more confusion and more anxiety and yet it brings me to realize how unreliable life is, how precious family is, can you even imagine waking up one morning and losing someone who has been there from the beginning, like losing a part of yourself, do you really ever come back from something like that? Its such a hollow feeling, so empty and sad, you begin to mourn for the days when you were a little less conscious, where these problems were only far away ideals that could never pierce the innocent veil over your eyes. Whether this is relatable or not, whether this makes sense or not, whether it matters or not, it terrifies the hell out of me, and whether I want it to be or not, its real... the realest thing Ive ever felt.