"To Sleep: Perchance To Dream"

What is it about death that grabs hold of you and doesn't let you go? It wakes you up every single day and makes you mourn, it forces you to remember, it makes sure you know your breathing and with that, you are still here, you are still alive, now appreciate it. This is the feeling that keeps you up at night, the emotion that you can't quite grasp because its far to complex to describe and the only real way to deal with it, is to become numb, to completely void yourself of the feeling and try to forget why it is, you ever felt it.

But isn't that the ironic part of death? You feel most alive, when you are the closest to losing it, or even when you see death and you wish that you had a little more time to just be something, mean something. Can you even imagine knowing you are going to die and trying your hardest to say the things you never said, do the things you were always afraid to do? Finally appreciate the ones you love. Maybe it's just the Donnie Darko imagination in me, but how can others be so complete and satisfied when "Every living creature on earth dies alone." Maybe a little dramatic but it's point gets across, that complete sense of being solo in this world, maybe what I'm trying to say is, it scares the hell out of me, feeling like nothing will ever get better because what do we have to look forward to now? more death? more sadness? there is something just so unfair about death, something so tragic and so merciless, because we are the ones left with the pain, not only did someone lose the most precious gift in the world, life, we have to go on living with our disbelief, the even idea that you will never see that person in their physical form again, that they are gone, literally gone from this world, every day, every minute, forever.... Forever.... now that's an unforgiving word. Why does death have to play the universal alarm clock that rings and says "Feel this pain, feel this emptiness, feel this life."

I think Shakespeare got it, he always sought the truth of death, his plays were usually about the desperation of your last moments, I think that maybe he too, laid awake at night questioning life, maybe becoming utterly confused by its meaning, and haunted by its message, one of my favorite quotes, more or less ideas, of his, is from Hamlet when Hamlet explains:

"To die: to sleep; No more; and by a sleep to say we end the heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks that flesh is heir to, 'tis a consummation devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep; To sleep: perchance to dream."

My heart goes out to his family, and loved ones.